


We'll find a way

by PerriewinkleNerdie



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 11:23:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20759567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerriewinkleNerdie/pseuds/PerriewinkleNerdie
Summary: Rain was pouring from the sky like their emotions out of them





	We'll find a way

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello, hello!   
The finale of Open Heart still has my heart in its clutches, so it’s no surprise that this is angsty and a little fluffy. I love you all!  
Enjoy! <3

Ethan was used to being alone. All his life, he was by himself, never needing anyone. There were people that were a constant, but they were not close with him, because he didn’t let them. Naveen was an exception, a father figure, his only friend besides Jenner. Then he met Claire, and for a split moment he thought he could stop living a life of loneliness. Finally, there was someone he wanted to share his life with.

And she was his intern.

His world crashed every time he saw her. She was the thing that built his world, and she was the reason his world was falling apart. The times when he let go of his fears and morals were his happiest memories. The most intense memories he had. The images of her were haunting his dreams, all the things he wanted but couldn’t have.

He was prepared to live the rest of his life with this feeling of regret and pain of missed chances, cause there was nothing he could do to change that. They were in a difficult spot, he couldn’t do it to her, he wouldn’t be the reason her career would go to waste. He won’t let himself become the person she’d eventually grow to hate in years to come if they proceeded with their relationship now and her name would be torn apart by her association with him.

He chose the life in the shadows. For better? Probably not, but he was ready to take a guess, a stab in the dark, because the alternative had too many variables and he had too much to lose.

The whole thing would have been easier if Naveen didn’t insist on them working so close together. The old man clearly knew what he was doing and he was smug about it. Pushing him towards her, when he was so desperately trying to keep his distance. He was determined to make their friendship work, despite the butterflies he felt in his stomach every time she looked at him.

Ethan was convinced that it was for the best, so he stepped back, never letting her get too close. And she didn’t push. They were acting like the professionals they were, standing by her side as a friend. No matter how much he wanted to be more than that.

From his perspective, she was handling it fairly well. He had a habit of watching her, closely, noticing everything about her. That’s why he was convinced that she was okay. Not fine, not good, not great. Just okay, and at least for now, it had to be enough, for both of them. He kept on telling himself that this situation wouldn’t last forever. And he was right, it wouldn’t. But the ideas, images that his mind has been setting in front of his eyes when he thought about it either made his heart skip a beat or made his skin crawl.

There were two options. Two ways out of their situation. They either wait through the tough time, wait until she is out of residency, which would minimize the unethical nature of their relationship, or he lets her go. He couldn’t imagine the second option, his heart was cracking at the mere thought of it. To watch her with another person? See her love them like he wanted to believe she could, does, love him? Move on?

No. He knew he would probably never move on from her, and he was okay with that.

One late evening, he was leaving the hospital, stepping out into the outside world that was drenched in water. He tried to remember why he decided not to take his car with him, but no valid reason came to mind. He was stuck with walking in the pouring rain, taking a longer route because of the puddles that made it impossible to cross the street at one point. He kept his head down to avoid having his eyes flooded, when he heard an alarming sound. His head snapped up and to the side, registering a dark silhouette in the alleyway between two buildings.

Upon approaching, he saw that it was a young woman, her hair, darkened by the water, were covering her face, so he couldn’t see who it was, but her clothes didn’t indicate her being ready for the weather.

“Excuse me, ma’am? Are you okay?” he called out, taking a step closer to the trembling figure, trying not to startle her. She was crying, she didn’t need him to make it worse. Hearing his voice made his head shoot up, and he could finally see the person he found. He would recognize those eyes everywhere. “Claire? What are you doing here? Are you alright?”

He took a step towards her, and she immediately took a step back. Her eyes were shining with tears, shaky and uncertain.

“Don’t… don’t come any closer, Dr. Ramsey. Please, just… leave.”

“How can you expect me to just leave you here, when you can barely stand on your own two feet? You are cold, you are soaked, you are trembling and you don’t even have a coat. I’ll be damned it I don’t take you somewhere safe.” He took another step towards her, and she took another step back. He realized that he wouldn’t get anywhere like this.

“Rookie, you have to tell me what is going on. Come on, let me get you out of here.”

He saw the exact moment it happened. Like a wall, hit by a wrecking ball, she fell apart, right in front of him, and all he could do was watch as she slowly disintegrated before his eyes. Tears flew down her cheeks, her whole posture started shaking, her body wrecked by her sobs.

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired of all of this. I thought I could do it, I thought I could pretend like I don’t care. I could pretend that we are just friends, that’s what I told myself. I saw how you were handling it. You look fine, you don’t seem to be struggling. And it made me think that maybe I am thinking too much into it. Maybe I got too attached. I tried to distance myself from the situation, _from you,_ but it’s really hard to do when I see you every day, when I see your face, when I see you smile, when I hear your voice. You are permanently etched into my heart and soul, and there is nothing I can do about it. I need to get away. From Boston, from the hospital, from _you, _not because I don’t want to see you anymore, but because I cannot take that pain. It’s killing me, Dr. Ramsey. I care about you too deeply, and I know we can’t be doing it, I know you don’t want it. I’m doing it for me, for you, for both of us.”

She was slipping from his grasp, for god knows how long, and he couldn’t imagine his life without her in it. He had to stop her and tell her the truth, before it’s too late. Ethan took another step in her direction, only to have her take another step back. She was putting distance between them, because she thought it was for the best, because she thought it was what he wanted. How wrong she was. Desperate to make her stay, he did what he felt was for the best. Before she could react, he took two long strides and took her in his arms.

The force threw them both against the wall, his body taking most of the force on itself. His hand pressed her firmly to him, trying to soothe the pain she was feeling, though he had no idea what hurt her.

She pushed against him, her hands firm on his chest, yet he didn’t relent. If anything, he held her tighter, as he allowed her to let it all out, tears flowing freely. His hand was stroking her hair as he rocked them slowly, back and forth, a soothing motion meant to calm her down. His lips touched her head, kissing her hair over and over again, steadying himself, preparing for the waterfall of words that was coming.

“Claire, listen to me. I- uh, I-… I’m so sorry, it seems as though my words have left me. Let me try. It… feels like the sun has set and I’ve been living in the dark ever since we put a stop to our relationship. It’s been three months and twelve days. I have been dying inside every day, because I knew that, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t reach out to you.” he stopped talking, taking in a deep breath to calm himself. Staying away from her was the hardest thing he ever had to do. Before meeting her, he’d say that the hardest thing was med school, or dealing with interns, or PITAs. Now, he was sure that if he had to stay away from her for a moment longer, he would lose his mind.

“Everything about you brightens my day. The way your smile light up your face. The way your eyes sparkle when you’re excited. The way you look at me when you think I don’t see. I wish you would look at me like this all the time.” Although she had no way of seeing it, he smiled at her ruefully. The looks she would give him had the ability to make him weak, bring him to his knees before her.

“You said that I looked fine, but believe me when I say that you couldn’t be further from the truth. Years of practice in hiding my emotions made it seem like I was okay, but on the inside, there is a raging war, where the only casualty is me.” The very same battle was being held inside him right now, as she was safely tucked away in his arms, away from any harm. His lips kissed her forehead tenderly before he continued.

“If you got too attached, then I am honored to be just as attached to you. You, Clarissa Herondale, are a part of me. You have been for a while now. It’s frustrating and fascinating how fast you found your way into my heart, grabbed onto it and stole it. You’re holding it in those small, delicate hands of yours, and you can do whatever you want with it. It is yours. I tried, time and time again, to separate myself from you, and it always led me back here. To you. Into your arms.”

He leaned back to look into her eyes, blue meeting green, tears falling down their faces, mixing with the raindrops. He placed his hands on her cheeks and pulled her to him softly, kissing her tenderly on the forehead. Her arms went around him, holding on. His words were a mere whisper, only for her. Their eyes met again, emotions flowing freely between them.

“There is nothing more I would want than to tell you everything right now, like you deserve. But we are standing in the pouring rain, and I don’t know what I would do if my behavior caused you to get sick.” He told her, their eyes locked. She nodded, barely moving her head. “Let me take you home, I’ll call for the cab and I’ll cook you some dinner, make you some tea… hell, I can even leave you alone if that’s what you truly want, just please, _please,_ let me take you somewhere safe and warm and dry.” She gave him another nod, without hesitation, whispering a small ‘your apartment’, before falling back into his arms, her head on his shoulder.

A cab drive was a silent one. He kept his distance, letting her make decisions. He felt her fingers tangling with his, her head falling onto his shoulder. He allowed his head to rest on top of hers, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in.

Once in his apartment, he went to the kitchen to get some food going, while the water was boiling for the tea. Ethan could hear her steps around his apartment, finally stopping right behind him.

“Ethan… I’m not sure what we are, I’m not sure what you want us to be, but maybe I should go-“

“I don’t want you to go. I can’t let you go. I just found you. I want you to stay here. With me. I need you to stay with me. I need you, I care about you so much. I miss you.” stepping closer to her he placed his palm above her heart softly, asking with his eyes for permission.

“I miss the way your heart flutters next to my ear when I place my head on your chest to listen to it. I miss the way your body fits next to mine, the feeling of having you by my side. The rush of happiness every time you smile at me, relaxed, your eyes shining.” His hand followed his words, dragging itself across her skin, over her shoulders, to her lips, her eyes, her cheeks.

“You are the most important thing for me, the most precious thing in my world. I want to call you mine. I want to live in the outside world with you on my arm, holding you close, proudly showing off how brilliant and beautiful you are. How lucky I would be if you wanted me by your side. Give us a chance, Claire. We’ll find a way. _Give me a chance to love you._”

The word scared him. He wasn’t sure if he didn’t overstep the line. Was it too soon? Did he mess up everything he was working for? Was she going to leave him? His mind was spiraling, he was falling, fast, and he wasn’t sure if he could save himself.

Luckily, he didn’t have to.

Her arms wrapped around him, burying her face in his chest as she took a deep breath in. Catching him by surprise, he suddenly had his hands full of Claire, her hair tickling his jaw slightly. Her nose nuzzled against the muscles of his shirt-covered chest. Her fingers scratched the skin on his back slightly.

“Claire…”

“I’m scared, Ethan. And before you jump into conclusions, I am not scared of you. I am scared of the… _depth of my emotions_. I am scared of how often you invade my mind. I am scared of being attached to you too much, cause I am scared you’ll leave me one day and I’ll be alone again.” She leaned back, moving her hands so that they were pressed flush against his chest.

“I don’t want to leave you. Why would I want to leave the air I’m breathing behind me? But despite it all, that is why I should leave. I should put as much space between us as possible. I-“

His lips fell on top of hers softly, scared to do any movement. Her eyes widened in shock, not sure what she was supposed to do. He noticed, immediately regretting taking that step so soon, and began retreating, when her hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to her. Despite the strength of their hold on one another, the kiss was soft and tender, allowing all the emotions to flow through it.

“Stay with me. Let us have a chance to figure it out. _Please.”_ His voice was low, deep and had a hint of desperation in it. Their eyes met again as their arms tightened around one another.

“_I’ll stay with you._”


End file.
